Alive but not living

As I walk down the narrow, spiral stairs
I feel it cave in upon me
My heart beats faster and harder
As I hear woeful cries louder and louder

Why are those people hitting the ground,
Beating their chest?
Why are they in perpetual sorrow,
Lamenting and wailing?

I reach the end of the stairs
And see a gate in front of me
With it a sign floating in the air
Saying “Enter and devoured you will be”.

Upon seeing their pain and misery,
I turn my back and instantly flee.
I will never forget that sight,
A monstrous immortal fire engulfing all that can be.

I heard the pain lasts forever,
The torment eternal.
Take heed.

Isabel

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August Blues

August Blues – from the Daily Post 

“As a kid, were you happy or anxious about going back to school? Now that you’re older, how has your attitude toward the end of the summer evolved?”

Summer is coming to an end and while at the start of summer I really dreaded going back to school, my attitude has changed, well for the better. I can’t wait to get back to studying! As nerdy as that sounds, I really really miss learning and practising my instruments. 

This summer has been way too long. 4 months and I’ve travelled to at least 7 countries? 

I guess I always look forward to school, not only because I can learn new things but also because I can meet my old friends again. 

One thing that hasn’t changed is my laziness during school holidays. I can just plop myself onto the couch and not get up till I need food or the toilet. :/ 

 

 

Isabel

 

Lover of my Soul

I am no conqueror

What battles have I won

Wrought of sin and sorrow

Abandoned and forlorn

No darkness night would lift

No light would shine through me

If I but claimed that my eyes

Can truly open to see

This groping I call walking

Confident strides to me

This stumbling I call leaping

I’m blind but I think I see

I am the one to determine

Whatever shall be mine

And lead this life and walk this path

That I alone define

That man who lived so courageously

Captain of his own soul

That master of his fate

He believed he had control

I pull away from the strings

I shall not be a puppet

I carve my accolades

Meet expectations I alone set

Chains don’t hold me down

I am a free man in prison

I live to leave a legacy

I feed on rationalism and reason

Man evolved from monkeys

The stars came from nowhere

I look to the heavens

Oh how life is so unfair

And as I stumbled blindly

Across the glass strewn road

He came to seek and find me

Take me home to His abode

And as I wondered wildly

And fed my drunken dream

He came to hold and heal me

Let me drink from His stream

Though I am now found

I still desire control

Help me Lord relinquish all

For you’re the lover of my soul

In response to the poem Invictus

Sincerely,

Ella

http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/invictus-redeemed

Poetry

http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/swimming-in-winter

This post by John Piper captures in words what I have always felt when writing poems but never wrote in concrete prose. Having to find the right words to put in a poem since each word is so precious and every word should count and be infused with meaning. sometimes i deliberately choose words, sometimes they just flow. yet sometimes, i use words which i feel do not capture exactly what i want to say too. sometimes i fear people will not understand what i am trying to convey and feel what i have felt writing the poem. john piper also mentions how his world view of “sorrowful, yet always rejoicing” affects his poems. i think it applies to me as well. now i know why my poems seem to have some form of internal conflict, of joyous memories, yet a subtle hint of sorrow, and many times almost a plunge into despair, but ending mostly on a hopeful note. lastly, it is encouraging to know that perhaps my love for poetry and rhyming is really a gift from God. yet i hope that i can do more with it to glorify His name and not to misuse or neglect this sometimes seemingly insignificant interest.

 

Sincerely,

Ella

Think Again

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/think-again/

My mind is aching to inch so close

And further still I go

My heart is racing to edge it on

It’s totally wrong I know

 

My yearning is stronger than my mind

My mind awash with chemical

Firing almost insistent

I give up being critical

 

I cannot help this feeling

I cannot stop this mind

I have no control to think

Along a straight and narrow line

 

My hands have a mind of their own

Just like how hunger calls

My feet take me where it wishes

They cause my endless falls

 

This craving feeds on itself

I can’t help this dependence

Fixated on this obsession

Whatever my reluctance

 

I am inclined to this and that

But trust me I can’t control

All these negative emotions

That erupt within my fold

 

Stop deceiving yourself people tell me

Enslaved to something beyond

Beauty and enjoyment

Something I found fond

 

Once it brought me pleasure

Brought a smile unto my face

But now it hurts so much

And I feel laid to waste

 

Trust me it’s beyond me

I have no leading reign

It takes me and lifts me higher

Although I cringe at the pain

 

You’re falling and you’re stumbling

I’m climbing these happy flights

You’re into the depths of destruction

I’m soaring these amazing heights

 

You’re dying fading away

I’m stronger than before

You’re gone hopeless and dead

I feel alive at the core

 

You’re finished and there’s no way

To end my addictive pain

Your heart is cold and hardened

I cannot think again

 

when addictions take over, the excuses we make for them, the advice we ignore

 

Sincerely,

Ella