Fear

With the disappearance of so many airplanes, it has dawned upon me that life is really unpredictable and fragile. I could be laughing with my friend one day and she could be gone the next.

And then i always think beyond just death but the implications of how the act of not thinking about death can cause us all to lead an unfulfilled life.

I’m most of the time afraid of lots of things. Just 3 days ago, I was afraid to jump off the taller “cliff” in Adventure Cove into a 4.0m pool. I’m afraid of the fall and the uncertainty it brings. Also, I have realised that I am so terribly afraid of letting people know of this site. I always ask my friends to be more confident of themselves and to publish their works because we will all one day need to do so anyway but I think I should be preaching this to myself instead.

I fear judgement, I fear criticism. I fear feeling and actually be inadequate in the very area I have been interested in since I was young. My dream was to always share my life and my thoughts with people but I have done nothing to tell my friends about this site. Will anyone even be interested in the first place?

i hate running out of ideas especially for my thoughts of music. I must admit, that i am an escapist. When I don’t feel confident, I just stop thinking for days or months but when i am driven, I could think all day long.

To those people who have bravely shared their pictures, portraits, thoughts and profile freely on the Internet, I admire you.

I just suddenly lost all the passion for practising my instruments and reading musicology-related books and I really really dread going back to study.

I need that fire back.

Isabel

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